So finally…

I made up my mind and there’s no looking back now. I applied for a new job yesterday and spent the whole day just obsessing about what I am going to say as to where I was for eight hours without leaving word to anyone at the office.

Funny, the things that pop into your mind when you hate your job and you want to get out of it.

If it was as simple as my boss being a total fucking lunatic and one of my coworkers being a smarmy, smart-ass asshole. If it was as simple as that. I usually have a high tolerance for bastards like them, but this one is different.

This is a job i truly, truly hate. Down to my guts. Down to my bones.

It isn’t about the bastards presented above, it isn’t about the lousy pay and all the regulations that my lunatic boss imposed on us. Hell, it even ain’t about the boredom that sets in five minutes after stepping in the door.

Its a matter of principles.

Someone once told me that there are things in life that, regardless of the circumstances, you must never let go of. One of those things are your principles. At the risk of sounding absolutist, I believe that even if bad turns to shit, you must always do what is right, and not what is right at the time. The thing is, the concept of me leaving my job even if it took me two damn years to find one seems right more and more everyday. I’m not one to wax ungrateful and holier-than- thou, but the thought of doing something that is certainly immoral and possibly illegal just because your boss is a greedy bastard underneath all the altruistic posturing is just plain wrong.

I was given gifts for a reason; Using them for purposes that entail screwing with other people’s handiwork just doesn’t feel right even if I take money for it. I can’t even put that on my resume, for crying out loud!

isn’t it awkward?

the boss was in a good mood.

too good, in fact, that it became creepy.

isn’t it awkward when your boss tries to be your friend, or at least tries to engage in some generic male bonding talk?

I mean, you get placed smack right into a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation where there’s no other way out but to mumble acquiescence even if the things your boss says are grippingly, gallingly politically incorrect.

I’ll admit it, I’m not one for small talk. I value the notion of personal space like my life depended on it. I hate it when i’m forced to say something I don’t want to say. And I especially hate it when I get caught up in other people’s self-love.

So why bother, you ask, that I agree with what the boss says? Because unfortunately, the concept of “another choice” isn’t really an option. And if kowtowing to him means I get to pick up a paycheck, then I’m willing to swallow some humble pie.

And Suddenly…

It was either the mind-numbing boredom of watching the minutes go by or the hypertension-inducing demands of my boss T. A. Liban  that cracked my heretofore steely resolve and showed the way.

And by the way, I mean the six steps to the door. And freedom.

I’m not one to quit easily. I can be a pit bull when I decide to hold on to something, and when that happens, its usually do or die. But here lies a caveat: I may be a tough bastard with nuts made of cast iron and all, but I know if what I am doing isn’t really woth my time, I let go without regrets. I can commit myself to a project, to a goal, an idea, but once I get a feeling that it’s all going to fall to shit eventually, I’m the first once out of there.

Judgmental, you might say; What about giving something a chance and try to see if it will still work out for the best?

It just so happened that I developed a sixth sense towards this kind of thing.

I’ve always been a student of history, man. It was said by some German guy that whoever lives without drawing on the wisdom of a thousand years is living from hand to mouth. well,If that is the case then I’m force-fed on experience.

I don’t want to repeat the same mistake I made with the previous job I held. I knew something was going to fall to shit along the way, and I was right. But out of desperation for a stable fucking job and to put an end to the nagging, I held on.

Look where my ass-headedness got me.

Now I’m back at the same damn road. I can choose to go on the easy way, doing what I do now, and let go of a professional growth opportunity, or I can go for the hard way and do over.

Pretty simple choice, isn’t it?

“Parang Muscle na nagkapilipilipit!”

Nag-up ang homepage ng isang site na ninenok ang design sa ibang site kanina. Nakakaguilty din pala mangopya na ultimo CSS ng site gagawan mo ng Ctrl-C/V attack. May maka-ispot kaya sa katarantaduhang ginawa ko?

As usual, naglakad na naman ako pauwi. Wala na kasi akong pera, malapit din naman, saka (sabi ni kumander) kailangan ko nang idispatsa ang minamahal kong organic salbabida at palitan ng terminator-abs ni Marc Nelson. Since wala akong pera na pang-gym, OK na na mag-Death March ako patawid ng dalawang barangay. Kahit na kabalintunaan at potentially dangerous na maglakad sa init ng gabi, ayus lang. Nakakain pa ulit ng fishball. Solb na naman ako sa limang pisong harinang may kasamang Salmonella saka E. coli flavors. Nakauwi naman ako ng maluwalhati, pero ang sakit ng katawan ko. Parang binugbog ni Marc Nelson. Bukas ulit.

Sumusumpong na naman ang attention deficit disorder ko at ang lightspeed na bilis kong mainip. Bakit kaya nung wala akong trabaho, kaya kong maupo sa harap ng computer ng walong oras derecho na di naiinip? Ngayon na bayad na ang pangangatikot ko sa Photoshop, naiinip ako?

Siguro dahil boring as fuck ang trabaho ko.

Namimiss ko pagiging estudyante ko. Gusto ko magcutting kahit minsan lang. Yung tipong aalis ka ng bahay pero di mo alam kung saan ka patungo, tapos ang itinerary mo ina-adlib lang. Magpapakabusog ka na sa Lugaw, waffles, 35pesos na merienda meals sa foodcourt na lasang ginisang asbestos, o Jollibee kung may pera. Mag-aaliw sa pagtingin ng poster ng sine at pirated na DVD. Pag nainip, saka lang uuwi.

Good Times.

La Vida es Buena

Life is good.

Ayos na ang Internet Connection ko. May namaling saksak lang na wire sa modem. Mabilis ang response ng tech team ng ISP at di na nangailangan ng follow-up call para macheck kung kailan sila dadaan.

Masarap ang kapeng natimpla ko kanina. Maganda ang ratio ng kape, creamer saka asukal. Ayus na ayus.

May nahanap na ako na brush-tip pen sa bookstore. Nasa Trinoma lang pala ang hinahanap ko ng kay-tagal-tagal. Gagawa ako ng tutorial pag nakuha ko na ang tamang style at technique ng paggamit nito.

Nagsayaw si Uber-Hottie Angel Locsin sa TV. Flesh-colored tights. Mainit na dito uminit pa lalo. Ampotah maanghang maanghang maanghang-yung tipong tigil ang mundo pag napanood mo. AMMP! Video pag may nakuha ako. YouTube here I come.

Asalto Primer

Finally got around and got here after thinking about starting a new blog for the longest freaking time. It’s not that I don’t have any spare time to waste bitching on a blog with, It’s more of I didn’t really have anything quite profound, mind-blowing or earth-shattering to say, or in this case, blog home about, which is a supreme irony considering that I am a writer by training.

But after a few changes happened in my life, namely finding a job after drifting aimlessly for two long years, I felt that curious need again: To rant, to vent, to bitch, to whine, to let loose my mindless ideologies on a hapless, unwitting world. In a crazy-ass world such as this, That probably is the best thing to do just to keep from getting mindfucked.

So I’m back at the road I’ve hit quite a few times before in one form or another. It’s been a bumpy ride, and there will be more concussions to come, but we’ll make it there, won’t we?

Welcome.

dL.